too many thoughts dammit, too much in this head of mine.
or else they have sticks up their asses 24/7
…There’s so much more room for happiness.” —Kaskade ft.Skylar Grey “Room for Happiness”
“Our love was lost…
…And hope was
- Temper Trap “Love Lost”
I don’t understand whats the matter with me anymore. I don’t know if this is how things are supposed to be or if this all my fault? i don’t know if i screwed up or if i am giving myself more of a reason to bring you back to life… i know its not my fault (not completely anyway). sure ive done the stupid and obvious thing but theres so much more here to that. you told me that once no matter what i did i would still be me and that nothing could change us, that i could tell you everything. and then i tried. i tried to tell you everything and i wasnt even finished when you decided it was enough and you would push me away. in an instant whatever you said just flushed itself away. you cant stay true to your words and i cant not stay true to my heart. so we split apart, not knowing what was there and despite our difference and bickering we always found a way back. this time it just seems so lost…so lost and i fear that its never going to go back…now i dont know if its better this way but i cant help to think ive lost something. it might be worth losing what toxicity was there, and to gain sight of what real things feel like or how good it is to be treated nice. but in my heart i know something feels lost something feels empty. and now its like another cycle coming to an end. and i feel like that when the time comes when someone is there to treat me right, i will just be plain worn out and unable to cope with this emptyness. ive a feeling that i will destroy someone that is good because of all the negativity built up inside here. and ive learned to avoid the good because of this reason. no one should have the awful tasks of putting this puzzle back together. its war field in my head, where no one has won.